The course of true love never did run smooth.

okay, im just so bored !
went to look at my campusmoblog.
the memories that i wrote.
nobody knows what i wrote.
just know what had happen to gene?
not whole story lahs..
but just felt sadd.. to see another couple.......
should i delete away my campusmoblog tags?
or leave it.. ?
i wrote sorry. yet its no use
its not after what had happen.
but before everything had happen.
so what if i said there.
my friends keep asking me
to let them view.. yet i dint..

hahaha! dumb. its searched by nickname!
HAHAHA. -.-" im lame.

if one day i've let go.
then i shall expose whats on my CMB ?
or ...argh.. i dont know lahs.
maybe i shall only show to my close friends.
so, others, dont ask about the nickname of
my campusmoblog..
im emo again now..
asked gene a question just now..
i mean, a ? thats on my head.
he gave me a answer..
& ..........................
haiz.. shall end my post..
im hungry ):
have not eaten anything.
eh, got. 1 small bowl of porridge.
no appetite to eat..
shall end here..

- hope those who are in a relationship,
its not easy to be with the one you love.
should treasure, not wait till its too late
then start to regret, cause
its uncure-able already.....

woke up quite early ?
Lols.. idle-ing around ..
think of lots of things..
chatted with friends,
yet i got myself emo again.
its going to be 1month soon.
why am i still hanging on?
why dint i let go..
why cant i ?
so many question marks on my head.
but no answers is provided.
why should i still be worrying..
what the hell am i doing now ?
can someone tell me a answer?
since he've already let go so easily..
why am i still hanging on ..
i cant turn backk the time..
maybe if i could turn backk the time.
i might still choose the same road.
but maybe, ending wont be like this.
everytime when i wanted to let go.
yet i cant.. why is it so diffcult for me
but so easy for you. ?
people told me, im not you.
i dosent know whats on your mind.
but my feeling tells me so.
should i not follow my heart.
or should i just betray my heart. ?
the more i rest, the more i cant get
my emotional right. cause i will think of u.
& i know you wont be here for me.
why cant i let go..........

- why am i still hanging on,
when you have already let go easily.

home(:
im so fucking tired.
went tiong for dinner..
KFC .. ):
just dont find happy eating it.
walked home from tiong.
stomach hurts..
at nowell house,
someone messaged me.
telling me that .................. is hurt ?
not the hurt lahs.. dunno how to explain.
was worried.. asked who the person is.
& i got the answer..
im getting so fucking emo now.
and my lappy cant install itunes ):
hope that you're alright...
shall go and bathe now..
BYE (:
smelly me ):

- im thinking of you day&night.
how about you?

nowell's new bloggy song was so.....
yeah, having a good start ..
yet with a sadd ending..
if we could have a second chance to
be forgiven.. things will be better?
why does everyone is only given a chance
to make mistake..
& why does everybody have to be sentenced
to death by someone they love?
heard winnie story just amin ago..
its just like me in the past..
talked to her..& its like..
im looking at myself...
told her things & felt happy?
that i could see someone with happy start ?
& getting myself emo again..
if i cant have a good ending..
but i'll hope that they will have it..
winnie going east coast with =X
she asked me to go...
should i ? nowell also going..
looking at another new couple..
makes my tears drop..
but still, i have to smile to them..
cause i know they dosent have the intension
to make me sadd, they dosent want me to
lock myself up in the room..
have been locking myself up..
only when i wants to use toilet..
i will then get out of my room..
why is it so? haix..
shall blog when i come home...

- sentence to death by you.
* iloveyou *

listening to songs,
would you be there for me.
while dawn is sending,
saw my friend's blog.. and heard it.. LOL
& i realise dawn also sending this song.

cried after i heard it the 2nd time.
1st time, i got quite emo..
its been some time since im like this..
my friends asked me,
where is the old shirley.
i told themm, she's DEAD.
they could no longer find backk the old
shirley, only when the day she's
given a chance to be reborn.
it isnt easy to get a new life..
she've died the first time,
& being saved backk..
yet, she's been killed by someone she love.
how hurtful would that be..
following her heart is so diffcult..
yet alone, how to deal with the pain?
it isnt easy to deal it alone..
should start afresh long ago..
yet still havent..
why hasen't she let go?
just throw away all the memories ..
but yet, it might broke her down down down...
why should she believe in it once again?
she wanna hold it tight,
yet she dosent have the ability to do so.
chatting on the phone with nowell now,
again, she asked me..
where is the old shirley..
i told her..
DEAD 3weeks ago..
she said, i could be reborn..
but yet, the chances are so slim..
people died, could be rebirth..
yet needs mircale..
but i dosent have it..
i seems to be smiling all the while..
yet you cant see tears dropping
while im smiling..
yeah, my friend said its so fake..
yet its so true to you.
saw tianpei have got a new boyfriend.
also from sindua de korkor..
was wondering, why so fast?
have she really got over ahboy kor2 ..?
so many things happened. yet she's still so brave.
how i wished i could be her..
but yet im not..
facing all obstacle alone is so diffcult.
need a shoulder.. yet cant find another
suitable one..
the one i needed, is no longer in use.
or could not be used...
i cant reached for my breadth,
just because you've took it away.
shall be dead till a new one comes in.
or rather, till the day you returned me....

- will you be backk to save my soul
& love me like you never did ...?
* i doubt so *

at nowell house now.
shall do some blogging..
listening to - ni hai ai wo ma -
de song, meaningful ah.

shall put it under the - qi shi hen ai ni.
below, go listen if you guys want..
really meaningful..
went to eat at raja inn..
was talking some craps to nowell.
but if its really having the ending like
what i mentioned to nowell just now..
it would be wonderful..
like what nowell said,
our life now are like so dramatic.
but it dosent come with happy ending.
but fucked up one.
if time were to be backk.
i think we will have the control
of what's gonna happen..
but its all beyond our limits & control
time cant be turned backk..
qurrals have started,
black face have been given to each other.
& all this have become a fact.
which is unchangeable.
if we could have a second chance given.
things will never happen in this way.
maybe god is just playing a prank on us.
its all been arrange like this.
maybe even we were born..
shall stop blogging..
if not i will get emo again..
BYE (:

- we were brought together by fate,
but separated by choices..
or rather, decisions...

time for daily blogging.
yesterday dint go out..
chatted with nowell t night.
was flipping around my bed..
thinking of many things.
woke up, yet felt so uneasy.
i lost something in my life.
the feeling that i had,
is so un describe-able.
check on my handphone.
a miss call from ongling.
just felt that,
she isnt the one that im lookin forward to.
things had changed so muchh,
yet the time we had,
is not enough for us to adapt.
how i wished,
i could just sleep & never wake up at all.
so all the sufferings that im having,
will all be gone..
shall be staying at home today..
haix.. just hope that this holiday
would pass faster..
this physical torture is so mean.
never experience it before..
& its the first time..
yet alone myself..................
* the chinese words have some mistake.
sorry, dint bother to change it.

- i've always been protected by you.
only till the day you left, i then realise
the weight of painess that you've been carrying
for me is such a torture.
i should have share with you.
yet i dint.. thanks for protecting my heart well..
& smash it on the floor hard now...

每个人都说，时间可以让人疗伤。
可是为何我的伤口还是那么的深?
每天脑海里装满的都是你的影子，我们的回忆。
某某的守在你身边，你却一点也没察觉到。
过得每一天，都是泪流满面。
而你过得满脸笑容。。
我们的分隔两地，
让我知道谁才是真正休要谁的。。
以前的甜言蜜语都是骗人的。
真心话，却听不到了。
失去你，我活的好被伤。
没有我，你活的有笑容。
那我，只会在你背后看这你。
爱你，却说不出口了。。。

- you gave me the love i needed,
but left me with a broken <3

SIAN AH!
so sian now..
never go out today,
nowehere to go..
so hungry! ):
nobody will help me buy food.
nvmm, shall go and buy myself
or shall not eat anything at all..(:
woke up, saw yongsheng miss call.
LOLs. called backk. never pick up -.-"
called backk..
asked me whether i want go louis house anot.
LOLs. i told him to find a girl then i go..
called nowell. she needs to go vivo with parents.
nvmm, called backk to YS told him im not going..
haha..chatted awhile..
& idle around my house..
till now, i came & do some blogging.
today all sec4E &sec5NA MT olvl..
good luckk everybody...
just so fucking moody..
was wondering,
when will i be like the past.
smilling happily from my heart.
maybe not this year?
maybe end of the year?
i dont know.. nvmm..
only when the day you see me
without any smile..
its the time im letting go..
the day i broke down.
shut my eyes tight and walk away
get out of the cave.
& i will never get backk anymore.
though it will hurt alot..
but i just have to do so...
cause things are getting so complicated now.
whats on everybody's mind
is so.. argh.. nvmm...
shall end my blog here..

- it just so diffcult
to stop myself to think of you.

im backk home..
went bugis.. & ice-skate..
hah! no people de..
akira, joewe or terry all not there.
met up with,
nowell, winnie, don, yaoxing & kenneth.
and yongsheng & louis
went to eat all this...
then go home,
in mrt i cried.
nowell & yongsheng saw..
they gave me birthday bash ):
kenneth.
omg.. he pinched me..
before i left the mrt..
till i got blueblack. ):
and can see my blood. ):
my tears burst out...
so fucking painful...
yongsheng waited the cab with me
heard quite alot from himm..
& told him things..
& i wont brood over him..
& i hope i really will...
heard somethings from my friend.
shall not say out who..
okay.. nvmm..
shall go talk to the phone with louis?
just fucking moody now..\
BYE

- letting go of you
is something which will break me down.

i woke up early!
10.30am! EARLY EARLY ~

shall not post what had happen

when i woke up not long ago..

later going out with winnie?

getting another present from don.

LOL. 2 present from him! HAHA~

dont feel like going out at all..

wanted to stay at home..

cause just dont have the feeling to do so?
okay..just feel so numb now..

after listening to so many sadd music..

i hope i'll be really numb..

but not for now...

sorry for crying yesterday.

- sorry to winnie&nowell .

promised them i shall not stay at home today

okay, promise to go out with them

still thinking where will we go..

cause got 3 irc people comming..

i know de, HOHO.

shall not think so much now.

think backk of my birthday wish,

just feel that its funny now..

i dunno why.. but cannot say out =X
LOLs. maybe i shall take out the R```

shouldn't wear it anymore?
infact, i should not be wearing long ago.

nvmm, cause i save it backk afew times.

from the drain, so its so precious to me.

nvmm, shall go and rest..

back still hurts alot.. ):
hahah! once again,

thanks for yesterday((:

- its hard to say goodbye

when its time to part.

happy birthday to myself !

went to meet nowell after ps..

they gave me presents...

all MICKEY MOUSE !
thank you!
went safra play pool with,

nowell, winnie, don ..

& meet up with sihan&louis.

okay..was cracking head,

where should we go & eat.

end up at tiong.. -.-"
raja inn.. but too late already..

then ate kfc. ! LOL
they went to buy cake..

nowell brought me to mac..

i mean behind the mac..

& i saw my cake!! LOL
was surprised .. sang songs? LOL

don! first to make cake on my face.

nvm,, cut the cake like what..

first time i had to serve cake

and was like shit !

think of weijie's b'day.

sihan the idoit.. say i must bite the candle.

& is the same like weijie..

& rejected. haha!

all ate except sihan..

ate a mouthful..

and was waiting for me to finish mine cake.

they said i ate ddammm long!
HAHA. was bullied by sihan MOST okay!

next is louis..

ran to toilet..and they chased in..

mac de.. so no guy or girl..

& was smashed by sihan!!

now im home! accompanyed by dawn&weilong

they like accmpany me to count down.

yeah! 12. am! happy birthday to myself.

shall go and wash my hair now! HAHA

- i know i've missed something.

which nothing can represent it.

ok! im at dawn's mummy here.

just finish my nail-art..

yesterday i worked!

& my back hurts now ):
rushed all the workk..

the place is so quiet..

pay was okay.

but i haven got the pay ):

its gonna be the first time i worked

& get paid..

the past was all 1 day & BYE

have to bend down.

put sticker for logo..

& i cabbed home with nowell..

was thinking if things aint like that..

there would be people accompany me home!

but now, alone..nvmm(:
saw zhixun at my house downstairs.

he said he's waiting for me -.-"
accompany me go up...

HAHAHAHAHA. what a joke.

working wasent fun at all..

saw a place where i dropped my $10

& he's seaching with me..

saw the place at level 2..

& went inside the house..

instead of standing there to refresh..

i love my nail-art !
HAHAH...

BYE(:

- the one i would want to be.

every moment of you.

changed skin! (:

* tired tired *
waiting for weilong ..
cause tianpei jie2 cant go):
she hurt her leg..& now she's having fever
takecare..
holiday starts already..
yet i dont want to have it..
reason is so simply.
my throat is still so painful
doing manicure tomorrow!
what am i going to do?
my holiday has always been plan with
someone.
yet now, im planning myself to spend with
my friends.. yet dunno who to..
have to go back school next week
to pass up some forms.. -.-
okay, shall go and bathe & prepare.
later taking report book.
hope that my positon won be last ):
bye! blog when im home.

- i know my sorry
cant cure for the cause.
* ilu *

backk ):
today's time passes fast.
cant see people.
recess was like hell to me ):
morning, saw spider on ongling's head.
haha..was like.. duhh
i was like over-reacted?
& shiqi, ongling, christa, jayanthi was laughin
after school, stayed for pizza.
mrLoo treat! hahah
went canteen to wait..
& i saw people!
he left so fast.. ):
& my tears dropped.
christa was shocked.
all was like so shocked.
they got to see theirs...
& its first time they saw me cry
the very first time i dropped infront of them
& i cant... argh. devastated.
went back to class..
ask my classmate go class eat!
on music..haahah! pizza was YUMMY!
but still sad sad sad )):

went shiqi house for her to take $$
to go safra play bowling.
hand was hurting like hell..
shiqi & atikah walked fast.
& shiqi came backk to me..
telling me she saw..........
i was walking at the last..
& i ran to the first.. indeed, it SO TRUE (:
maybe god took pity on me
& let me have a last look? LOL
wanted to go toilet..
me ongling christa shiqi ~
lol..want to go jaya house..
but.. too afraid to walked..
& stupid ongling walked to him..
told him that we going toilet..
what a cute friend..
told ongling n chris..
nvmm.you both go jaya house use.
i dont need..then christa say okay.
cause she knows my feeling? haha
think think..
& i say i need toilet..
if there's fate.. when we are backk
i'll still have the chance to have a last look at him.
if is not meant to be..
then i wont be able to see him..
after toilet..
was so afraid to walk backk..
& i was like.. im lucky for having a last look.
(: though im sad that i cant stay longer..
but im bliss that i could have a look.
went safra.. and now im home..

- 相遇是幸福，等待是辛苦。
i missed you.

im home finally..
dint wish to go school today.
but yet, i pulled myself to do so..
nowell called me when i was in bus
met up with her & shiqi.
go school..
went pe.. basketball (:
saw people.
& wasent concentrating.
cause something is more important.
mrAli came and blew whistle..
argh..have to leave.. ):
but another havent.
nvmm, went for CPA
mind wasent at CPAs.
went recess.. & needa get ready
for photo taking! ((:
went toilet and comb hair..
LOL mrTay damm cute..
not that kind.. lol..
went for classes.
went to help out shiqi's mum shop
& im dead beat now..
still feverish,
& my throat..
stupid yongsheng.
still doing the hello hello at me

ehh! i now no voice say backk
wait til i got it.. then you play ok! *bluek*

when i went home
was in cabb..
& my mind is filled with him?
cried.. i just dunno why im still crying
cause im still damm sadd..
shiqi took out her penknife.
which makes me want to cut.
as what had happen last night..
ongling stopped me..
& i got a small cut at my hand.
just wanna try is it.
and its real sharp..
its alright..
having headache now..
maybe the day which i never want
is comming now..
& i shall be alone..

- just filled with your
face in her mind.

argh.

okay, problems are comming to me now

AGAIN ..

nowell -

dont keep a distance lah.

now we are nothing already.

then you also leave me.

then where am i going to be.

yes, he leave me..

& now you also..

then what am i going to do?
i dont have him,

now, you again.. haix.

i know, i can sense that you aint with me

these few days..

but problem is..

we are not together already..

even if you leave me alone..

it also wont make him come back

am i right to say that?
if in the pass..

you leave, i can find him

but now,

i cant go to him..

things aint going smoothly for me.

why is it so..

one left me.. which makes me so devastated.

now, my friends are leaving.

my only friend. also BYEBYE
what the hell.

life just sucks for me.

who the hell is

foolish_alvin@hotmail.com

i dont like you. FUCK OFF. __
everyday keep pester people.
you are irritating!
argh.

- i found & lost you.

nothing to do.

so shall do some bloggings.

read nowell's blog just ago..

was quite happy yesterday..

but also sadd..

went school..no energy take bag

ongling helped me to.

drag myself up. wanted to turn my head.

yet i know i cant.

nvmm, walked to class..

lesson per normal..till science.

teacher scolded ongling&shiqi

for dragging time to come down.

& they are accompanying me to walk..

teacher scolded me.. yes. talked backk

* ehh, you took lift..of cause faster lah.

we walked stairs leh. you walk with us lor.

sumre i sickk..cannot walk slower?

then dint say anything else..

do workk..go recess..

ate rice.. lol..but most of it i gave SQ.

even chicken left uneaten

got scolding from ongling again

for eating all this. ahahha..

went for pe.

it was like hell to me.

was pulling myself backk to class..

went toilet. saw that his class door was open.

nvm.backk to class.. & ZzzZzz.

after school, chris want to go canteen buy food.

go with her..saw his friends. thought he would be ther

but was quite disapointed.

nvmm, just walked to hawker after buying food

walked in the rain.

now, fever still havent go down! ):
hoping that he's online. yet i dunno why.

cause i cant even talk to him -.-
nvmm, & i just realise.

friday no school ): ): ): ): ):
means, it left two more days for me to see...............

argh.. this two days is precious to me.

so i wont absent myself.

haix..the days are numbered.

yet i cant do anything.

- if you knew that my tears

were dripping when i was right behind you.

okay,

i have think it thru.

i wont see doctor for my leg.

shall wait till napha comes,

and shall take mc & bandage it !

hhahahah!

anyway,

when you walked pass the bustop

from school to hawker.

there were cans around the board.

at the bottom

are being destroyed by me & shiqi

hahaha

open the can. thought got drink.

as there's pisssssss sound.

end up. there's nothing. -.-

kick it too.. 4cans.. hahaha!

anyway, my ear was bleeding just now ):
& my throat hurts ):
split saliva. there's blood too.

should i see a doctor. ? argh.

4more days left.

& wont be able to see my friends for a month.

argh.. so, i wont absent myself from school.

lol.. how am i going to spent this holiday?

argh. nvmm..

my hand hurts alot. .so is my leg.

shall see a doctor after my birthday(:

- yet i cant get a reply.

time for daily bloging again.

just reached home..

today was a damm tiring day for me.

morning, walked in the rain ):
haven recover yet walked in the rain.

climb the stairs.. just no energy.

saw his conver.

dint reply as i was asleep. ):
stupid me! dint off lappy.

as i wanted to rest awhile.

yet till morning.

scolded by my friends for not

taking care of myself.

sickk still eat all oily stuffs.

drink soft drinks.

nearly vomit... in class, cough till vomit.

but dint..

head pains like hell.

hhaha..recess. * love it * dont ask me y.

bought a club.

but dint finish it.. dont feel like eating.

took out the cheese&ham..

got scolding from ongling for not eatinf bread.

hahahah.. but also never eat. o.0

after school,

headed to tiong, as aunty's chickenChop

wasent meant for me. * close *
went tiong to long john with SQ & chris.

helped dawn to check hp price.

hahaha.. walked at tiong.

and im dead beat.

now im charging my energy.

my throat hurts alot when i swollow my saliva.

))))))))))))) :
still having my fever.

nowell dint came school today ):

- you were the one who i was blinded by.

im backk home FINALLY.
went to redhill & eat chickenRice.
just dont feel like eating..
& left some uneaten..
walked to redhill mrt to fetch dotx with well
forgot his name =Z
haha..and took cabb to mac..
wth.. still must go back redhill mrt
to fetch hweemin&cowen.
cowen is being drag by winnie..
haha.. yahs..walked to lengkee CC -.-
& i was like what the fuckk..
no choice..
reached there..
then saw don & winnie.
waited for dotz to go & buy drinks.
and we went in..i was sitting at the chair all along.
when i want to throw a ball.
don n cowen keep passing to each other..
& cowen's ball hit my head.
& the pain is killing me..
okay, then dont wan le..
went to sit down..ahah.
don came & lie on the chair..
keep asking me things bout ........
reply quite reluctantly..
finally now im home..
cabbed with cowen...
his whole body damm wet.. lol..
& my headache is killing me now.
go rest le. BYE (:

- im trying my best to shut my eyes
& let go of you..

haha..

im here to blog again.

feel better le..

thanks ya to all my friends.

yesterday was a hell to me..

woke up from a sleep.

& whole body was so hot..

cant even sit up...

when i want to drink water..

have to drag myself really hard to walk.

and head was like ... many knives kocking.

nearly fainted.. phew.. never..

then went to sleep..

woke up again..saw my lappy..

trying my best to off it.. -.-

whole night i was like

sleep, wake up, sleep, wake up

countless of time..

try to go to msn..

saw that he's still online..

wanted to talk to him..

yet i cant bring myself to do so.

haha..saw eugene's conver.

& talked to him and go sleep le..

whole night was like hell to me..

nowell just called.

ask me to go play basketball with her -.-"

told her i sickk..

still ask me sit there see her play..

what a good friend..

nvmm, i got abit of energy to do so..

i hope i wont faint in the road..

haha.. okay..nowell called..

dont blog le... BYE(:

- how i wish i could tell you.

i miss you like hell everyday. how abt u?

HAHA

i just woke up..

& now, im having FEVER ):
maybe because of the rain yesterday night.

or whatever lahs.

& which means..

i need not go up today!

next week..my voice totally changed!
SO LOWW ):
& i think ongling gonna say i've got a sexy voice soon):
thats what she did that time.

whole body damm fucking hot.

head pain like hell..

okay..hope will recover by tmr..

i dont want such a low voice to school. ):
listening to ' liu sha ' now..

makes me ..... argh.

nvmm.. maybe fever till high high.. DIE
HAHAHHAHAHA .. & byebye everyone. LOL =X

- just miss you,

yet i dont think you wish me to.

kay, just came home..
so tired now..
11.20am now..
needa catch a nap later...
went to east coast yesterday.
shouted so much..
cried so much.. maybe i should let go alr..
i may still be stopping at the point.
where my last step took.
but i just need alot alot of time to be cured.
ahBen called me..
okay called backk..
talked to him awhile..
then totally no mood again..
just look high up to the sky..
the person sitting beside me,
isnt the one that i want to be..
okay..nvmm..saw a mouse ran passed me..
drink drank drunk...
dropped the R```.
okay, pick it up..
threw stones, walked into the sea..
but never get washed away too..
just hope i will be washed away too.
so that i wont be what im now..
but its alright.. it takes time..
how long it takes, i dont know..
but he'll still be stored in her heart..
just think of the past,
where we first met,
went out.. & all the other shit..
just makes me fall deeper..
cant be helped.. but i will stil be strong infront of YOU
& i will..

just have to be prepared for tonight.
must overcome it myself..
nobody would be there..
& i dont need, i can hang on alone.
after tonight, maybe i would be a changed person.
nolonger the shirley
but maybe a worst or better shirley.
it depends.
maybe all the sufferings tonight
could bring smile to you.
then its alright.. i take it..

- it just too late for everything,
but i shall keep you deep in my heart.

its a place where i dropped my important thing! HAHA-.-

back! going out soon.

not comming home tonight..

going to sea & spent my night there.

going for work tomorrow..

not really actually..
just uncle needs help..

so i go help him at hawker.. hahah!

going to be awake the whole night..

how to work tomorrow?? LOL

yeah, maybe i should stay at home..

but i just dont feel like..

it makes me think of pass..

& wil feel very lonely&upset..

maybe my heart needs a rest..

shall not think so much...

i hope tonight, the sea will bring all the painess away for me.

just feel very tired now..

not physically..

but mentally tired..

just cant get used of the loneliness now..

haha..talked to dawn yesterday..

maybe if tianpei never go.

find weilong! HAHA

at least i wont get scolding.. =X

nowell, dont worry..

i wont be that stupid to jump sea ya..haha

as for the GIRL !
dont need to act.. i wont be jealous by this(:

- just want you to get the best..

though i need you, but i need your smile more.

HAHA.
just heard that some xpress looked down on NT
nvmm.. dont think that you girls are so wonderful.
yet claim we are friends,
yet in the backk..doing all this shit..
yeah, you girls look down on us..
it because you girls think too highly of yoursleves.
but dosent mean that
you will forever be at the top..
only till one day you all fell,
you will be much worst then us..
okay?
just a NA people's mark is higher..
you guys not happy..
this shows that,
dont always think that express are always the strong one!
you will also fall one day..
maybe even worst then us yah? (:
- im just saying that bunch of girls..
no other intension. or whoever..
if you think that im saying bout you..
then maybe i think you are also one of them... (:

so tired now,
think of lots of things..
think of what yongsheng told me..
argh.. just feeling very confused&upset..
just need plenty of time..
still living in the darkk cave..
living without his love... is such a torture.
but its alright.. just getting abit used le..
though i may be sadd everyday..
i would still be showing a smile infront of all people
like nothing had happen at all ..
that the last thing i could do now for you..

- just need your love..
. but its so diffcult..

blogging time!
later maybe going to see doctor.
my hand & leg ...
gonna pain like hell for sure..
hahah..i dont wanna bandage..
leg or hand also dont want..
ugly! i don want!
maybe wait till school holidays lor..
hand is so fucking pain lahs
argh argh..
got back my results..
failed my maths & science badly ):
got less then 30 for both..
& i qurral with mrLoo today..
dammm cheebye.. & its the first time
i attidue him..
dont care.. play attidue then play lor..
today just so fucked up..
english, i got top for the everything..
for my class.. was happy..
cause i took the exam before things happen..
was shocked that i got the top (:
mother tongue got second.. lost by 2marks..
86.. i 84 ! fuck! oral scored well .. top again =DD 43/50..
if i score 45 i sure same with ongling..
i mean the overall . will get 86..
-.-! nvmm.. tried my best already..
cant blame what..its all my fault & mood..
that cause the results to be like this...
now wait for CPA.. & my time for punishment is nearer..
just have to be prepared for everything now..

meet the parents is nearer..
what`s gonna happen i dunno.
not gonna ask my mum to go..
dont want to let her find out things..
will ask tianpei jie2 go for her..
birthday getting nearer...
& yet im so afraid of it...
i dont think it will be a happy day for me
gonna spent it sadly... haiz..
(: nvm.. nowell celebrating for me.

saw hakim at kfc just now..
with a girl! AHEM .. lol..
asked nowell he handsome..
nowell say not badd! LOLs
haaha... kay lah..
dunno what to do now..
just lost intrest in everthing now..
i go talk to nowell le..
BYE (:

- its just hurt so much to be like this.
but things aint gonna change also.. argh

hahaha! a tiring day..

today school was FUN FUN FUN(:
morning having hair checkk..

& alvin,shiqi,ongling & samm..

what a friend..keep hinting teacher about my hair..

natural colour! LOLs..

was caught for finger nail..

but nothing lor...teacher close eyes..

anyway, i dint show tay&teo my fingernails.!
LOLs..we dont even need to stand for checking!! haha

yeah, went for captain`s ball..

combined with 314.

& we lose!! ))):

nvmm. we have tried our best already!

soccer boy for our class,

they got in, but dunno why never le..

cause of 414 i think...nvmm
they are sadd, but we know we've tried our best!
thats all...(:

saw yongsheng&sihan writing sentences..

went over & say hi..

thought that they were late...

but is pak heen' (dunno how to spell)
500 sentence for english & chinese. CRAZY

yupp, helped them..sihan..

haha & he went to eat..

yongsheng scolded him..

haha..then pakheen came..

he sit infront of me..

coughing& the voice funny sia..

lol..& i asked him,

-why you dont need do?
he laughed..he say at another side..

haha..then he said that there`s still chinese..

lol..i just asked need help ah..

& i kana..he said,

- you can help me do ah?

i was..lol..okay..

since i nothing to do at all..

so help him with 1fullscape of english..

half chinese..ahaha..ask yongsheng treat drink..

he seriously went to buy..

& i said no thanks..lol..

sihan at there keep kana scold by YS..

for asking girl to do..

after awhile, went to play..our class VS 312

-.-farah knock so hard on me..

and my head went blur...

double vision -.-

as i was sickk..so cough non-stop..

damm fucked up with farah lahs..

play properly lah..

why mus bang..nearly faint..

but never, also lose in the end..

damm angry...went to sit & have a drinkk..

saw people..& just felt very sadd...

but i did..i stay happy okay nowell (:
i never cry or what..i still lauging..(: HAHA

wasent using my lappy..

want to use desktop..

the keyboard i missed so much..

using his keyboard lahs..

when i touched, so dusty..

clean the dusk with my hands..

& i rubbed my eyes..

now red red le..

nearly vomit.. -.-"
& again, i dint went for NCC..

friday, still thinking whether should i go..

cause need to bring two uniform..-.-

dammit... now must take myself..

not like last time got someone take for me

independent le! (:
hahah..its heavy!
two uniform no3 & no4..

the stupid boots..heavy ):
if i could find people to take for me..

i think i will go! LOLs..

QUEEN .. hahahha.

should i take my spec course anot ??
argh. still thinking about it..

as i dont have the mood to study the spec. book.

so many things happen recently..

how to pass.??

totally no energy for other things le..

if i go..people..wish me good luckk! hahha

anyway, i sprain my hand that day,

guess what !!
i sprain my legg to day while playing captian's ball ):
haven yet see doctor..

let me pain till die! HAHA.. then nmo worries..

hahha..go sleep le..

headache..sickk! ):

- we are so near,

yet we are like millions&billions away...

okay, im back from school (:
& its freaking early luh..
today quite fun...
went for A-Z programme..
the teacher was like. -.-/
dunno how to teach us..
cause we are making so much noise...
& we got to do a personally test...!
LOL.. i got an I .. & it suits me TOTALLY
hahaha..
i can be a motivator or reformer..LOL
haha..i can be a actor`...lol ,
negotiator announcers of informantion for boardcast!
LOL ..they said these jobs suits for me! HAHAHAHA
what a joke..lol
& im a impulsive ! lol
& i dont think before i do..
hahah..
ex. i saw a shirt..i like it
& i just buy..but when i reached home.i dont like it..
or don need it !! LOL..okay lahh.true lol
i love playing more then studying..
-.- that goes for everyone!
haha..but i play more then i study..
when i study, i will make excuese to sleep!
LOL...okayokay.. true...TOTALLY.
& i don keep the promise that i made..
i go by mood! LOL..just simply so TRUE lahs..
like this programme alot..but not the job de...
went for breakk...
hhaha..saw people playing captain`s ball..
-.- but my class cant..
haix..how i wish we could play..
so watch the upper sec play..
& after that...watch the 403s i think & 312 people playing
& we are later for the programme..
hahaha..nvmm..cause the job topic isnt fun...
yeah..went backk to class at 12.20pm..
& the joker Rismail... lol..
sex sex condom
his aunty wan sex but he say cannot lah..
although he wants to... WTH .. he told mrTeo..lol
& we were allk laughing like hell lahs..
went home straight..
when i want to get down..
i got a punch for Nizam -.-
its damm fucking painfull.. ):
nvmm.. hahha..
i shall take a nap.im very tired..
): no captian`s ball for us tomorrow...

- moving on with sorts of sufferings awaiting for me..
& just to see your smile...that`s all ...

haix..
saw something just now..
at his ****
okay,i don get it...
just have many things running thru my mind..
nvmm..just missing some1 now..
everday de this time...
it repeats automatically...
jst cant stop myself..
its like im not the one taking control of
my mind&soul...
haix..just cant figure out the meaning at his ....
dunno what to post...
like i said,
somethings cant be said here..
so...gotto go.. bye(:

-if you have fallen for others,
i give you my blessing...
&wish you all the best bahs........
haix.. ILU

haha..
today oral funny man!
314 teacher came...
& i made so much noise.! =x
teacher ask about subject...
& i talked like im going to qurral with her..
long story...lazy to post..
if want to know..
call & ask me..hahaha!
hope my marks will not be down3..
if not i kill her! cause what i said is true lor
and my friend just cant stop laughing of what i said.
dunno why...lol..
at when i was out of school..
guess what time was it..
8am! chao! ... damm fucking early..
good lahh..haha..went mac with ongling..
& on our way backk..we saw baby snail..
hahahah..its injured...kelian.):
nvmm..was waiting for nowell..
finally come down...& headed to her house...
now she at my house..
was editing friendster profile&photo...
hahah..update tomorrow bahh..

- your smile is worth for my heartbroken
& all the sufferings that im having now...

已经不能和你说话了。。
每天看见你，我们都必需隔离对方。
这种感觉好痛苦，
我的心里每天都在思念你，
可是你一点都感觉不到。。
以前，
想你时，还能告诉你
我好想你，好爱你。。
可是现在都不能了
很快的你就会是别人的，
不再是我的了。。
我不能埋怨，
只能怪自己不会珍惜你，
挽留你。。然你伤心是我没天再做的事。
没有那个机会再弥补你了。
后悔也来不及了。。。

-
是你给我爱，让我养成了依赖。
missing you like a mad..
shouting the 3words everyday in my heart.
but it cant be said out anymore...

不听朋友的话
是应为我要跟着心走
对，朋友要我放弃你，
可是我的心要你。

我不被朋友的话影响
是应为我对你的爱是肯定的
一个不被爱得心
是有多么的痛苦的，
我触摸不到你的心，
也不知道你在些什么。。

好多次我都很想和你说，
我好爱好爱你。。
但我能说出口吗?
不能了，
对你的这份感情，
我不会让别人指示我，
我会跟着心走。
那就是继续的爱你
听了很多痛心的话，
我还是无法自拔的爱你。
相信我，这是真爱巴。

不管我心会有多痛，
只要你开心那就够了。。
不被你爱得感觉，
我会让我自己适应，
可是爱你的感觉
我已经习惯了。。
改不了了
我无其马黑的世界
你还会回来照亮他吗?
好多的话想告诉你
我能妈? 你会和我一样吗?
不被你认同的爱，
还是某某的在你身边
希望你会活得有笑容。。。

- im sorry to lost the love you gave.
& i had lost you in my life now too ...

- for nowell ;

all i want to do is just to love you..
but it seems so diffcult...
loving you now seems so hardd..
there`re many things that stopping me..
but my heart told me to hang on..
cause i still *you...
yeah..nowell, sorry for not listening to you..
i know you want the best for me..
i know you want to see me smile..
but im sorry, i cant give up..
i know you do all this is for me..
dont wan me to be sadd everyday..
but my heart tells me not to stop..
cause my heart cant stop..

like you said,
follow your heart..
im just trying to follow my heart..
my heart wants him..
my heart loves him..
i know you dosent want me to be hurt...
but i just cant get him out of me..
im sorry..yeah..i will try my best to be happy.
living in the world without him is difcult..
maybe when your love comes..
you will understand why am i not listening to you.
im content that i could still love him..
if he`s happy now..
i will still smile.. yes.
cause now..
i cant stop my heart..
my mind told me not to think of him..
but my heart dosent listen..
im sorry nowell..
but i will stay happy for this 1month
no matter what shit happen okay? LOL
yeah..you jiayou bah..
you will understand why am i like this
one day..okay? my lil bestie(:

- overcomming all the obstacle alone..
& set you free now.. im sorry for the past...

我对你的爱是要隔离一面墙。
眼泪在掉时，你却不在我身边。
痛苦的过这没有你的日子是多么的难熬。
每天的在告诉我自己，我要活得跟坚强。
可是我还是做不到。
没有你的日子，我觉得好痛苦也好难过。
你在我的心里已经是全部的全部。

和你在一起时，
都是你帮我抵挡所有的痛
所有的不快乐。就为了要我不心痛。
让我做最幸福的女孩。
一点痛都不让我承受就要我快乐。
可是应为不能在承受这样的痛时，你就不告而别。
所有的困难我都要自己扛。

告诉你，
没有你的日子我依然能过得很好
可是拥有你的日子，我才能活得有笑容。
没有你我笑不出。
应为我答应你
没有你的日子我还是笑得出。
所以我在你面前永远都是快了的。
我不会在你面前在哭了。不会让你觉得我不快乐。
现在我勉强能萧一个给你。应为是你。

总是被人说我不珍惜你。
问题是，他们是我吗?
已经不能再依赖你了。所以我倒了。
我用劲全部的力气来挽回你，
可是你却不被心动，我支持不下了
我望不了你对我的好应为你是唯一的那个
让我感到快乐和幸福的人。
对不起，我挽回不了我们的爱了。
你脸上的笑容对我而言是那么的重要。
如果我的痛苦和悲伤能够还来你的一个笑容
那我愿意。应为我 * 你

- letting you go for a better one..

坚强的心已经为你而碎了

backk(:
out to AMK just now..
went to meet irc people..
& i just talk to dotzzz & raikage.
they both not badd..
then my mind is so occupy..
till after that, we left...
& mind is filled with other things lo..
yeah..syazwan messaged me
telling me he misses her..
& yeah..talk to him about what am i
feeling at that time...he cheer me up
thanks syaz(:

kay..went tiong to buy mother`s day present..
& walked home...
so so so tired now.. going to rest..
later maybe i wanna go out..
BYE(:

- i miss you more each day):

HAHA..finally home..
went to tiong with nowell..
walked to tiong..
CAN YOU IMAGINE! I WALKED..
haha..and its raining..so cold... *freeze*
yeah..gotto walk cannot everytime hands out*
reached tiong..went NTUC..
but cannot find the thing that nowell`s grandma wants..
okay..so took 63 and headed to redhill..
yah..so tired..walked in the rain..
& i think that im sick..
i keep sneezing and coughing now..
yah..went to walk the pasah malum..
walk thinking whether should i buy disc anot..
think think..don buy..save money.. (:
run after bus 63...haha..& went down at tiong..
guess what!
I WALKED HOME !!
could you imagine??
hahaha..i dint take cab at all today...
maybe im quite upset..so want to walk alone
and think about my things lor..
haha...yah..very tired now..
i cant eat anything..i dunno why..
ate mac breakfast and afternoon ate 2 chickenwings
and a cheesy hotdog... my food will be like this for the day.
dont feel like eating nowadays..
bye.!
gotto rest..if not tomorrow no energy for exams! (:
BYE.. *miss.miss*

i would never erase the sincerity in your eyes,
when you told me, you love me.
i would never forget the way your eyes burn,
when i angrered you, & i broke your heart right from the bottom..
neither would i forget the saddness in your voice,
when you said sorry after everything..

but you would never rememver the sincerity in my eyes,
when i told you i love you.
you had forgotten the way my eyes burn,
when you angered me, but you still protect my heart..
neither you would remember the saddness begging in my voice,
when i said IM TRULY SORRY after all i had done........

myLOSTlove; iloveyouDEEPLY.

feeling fucked up..
what i typed just ago..
never been post out..

nvmm...was very sadd..
don ask me why..
while bathing..scars hurt..

now..i need to go thru alot of things..
friends, him, exams, school, sec5!
was very disapointed yesterday..
due to my tagboard..
my heart is screaming for him now and then..
but he cant hear..and he dosen know..
even if he knows, he also won care..
nvmm..
i just cant get up now,
so dont force me...
haven even touched my books..
even if you force me,
i also cant get all this into my mind..
nvmm..im prepard to be failing..
maybe im already a failure in the start...

friends;
nvm..i shall post here..
instead of tagging along with you all
YES. i donsent need you guys anymore..
and wont turn backk anymore..
i choose this path in the first place..
so i wont regret..(: