The course of true love never did run smooth.

It’s the worst feeling in the world to love and hate someone all at the same time. And it’s hard to watch things change when all you want is for them to stay the same. It’s funny but stupid how you want everything & nothing at the same time. It’s crazy when you want to let go, but you keep holding on, and when you want to move on but you’re stuck right where you started. When feelings come and go and you can’t decide what you want. When you have so many things to say but you don’t know where to start

I guessed i've figured out what i really want in life. It's hard t be another person and then force yourself t be happy by this way. Though is not what i really want. I dont know why. My heart beats faster then before... I thought it should be nothing t me already.. But afterall, I can't let go.
Remember-ing all those past memories, it still tears me apart. All those bitter sweet memories,

Im still trying t let go. And once i can put down this big big stone in my heart, i'd be carefree.

I want t be the same girl as the past. I don't wanna be like this, now.

I dont know when will i reach my destination. This don't suit my style at all.

It makes me feel so bitch for god-sake. I've been think alot lately again. wtf like seriously.

I guess, im just not a nice girl, that once SHIRLEY in the past anymore. who am I ? nb.

Super tired~ Going t have another hard week t past after this week. & then will be FREEEE~

So, head down t gombak around 4plus. I MRT-ed down ley~ :D

So ban gong and saw lim ah lim's dad. Wanted t go over and talk t him, but..

I can't walk away. Lim ah lim, help me wen hou your papa and mama kay? IF you see this :)

Tell him sorry that i dint go over and talk t him. Cos when i wanted, he go liaoz. lol.

Still needa go tua tomo by 1pm ley. How tired. And sat gonna stay at teban liaozz~ :D

So yahh, nightsss people. Will not be blogging after tomo liaoz. :( hahahhaah~

GOODNIGHT.

The times we were happy together are worth the times i cry alone.

Everything happened just like a dream t me. And i realised that i've woke up from it..
All those good times left me over a night. Just like dreams.
Once i woke up from that dream, everything went back t normal.
And why does good dreams always end so fast for me? And nightmares can continue
every night in my dreams.. Perhaps, all good things will come t an end. How true?
Life sucks like one idiot for me nowadays. I cried that night, cried like one idiot.
And I called _____. This time round, everything seems t be different. All back t normal.
Though im not used t it, but i'll adapt it very soon. I guess, i shouldn't go back t that same way.
I should continue like this for all fuck sake. Though im very not used t what im now..
But at the least, they tired t make me happy. And at least, i wont have t think of the pain.
It's just that fking hurtful till i can really kill myself in one second.
Though i've got that bunch of good friends w me, cheering me up when im down..
Making all sorts of funny faces, things, or anything.. It definitely made me laugh like one idiot.
I can laugh till my stomach cramp, or even tears coming out from my eyes or even
can't stop laughing for god sake.. But after that, i dont know why,
i can't seems t smile like normally.. Or even w them, i have t pretend that im so alright..
But at least, w them around, i'd be happier from those.. idk how t explain too.
thanks t them:)
All those stress that are pilling up on me.. Each and everday,
I got scolding for seriously fucking no reason. Forcing you t do things that you serious
dont like t do at all. Listen t them for fuck sake and you can't have own freedom.
I hate this life now. Seriously hate. How did my life end up t be like this? I really dont know.
For everything i do, the time i sleep, the time i reach home or even where am I.

I seems t be the same w those provation people. Or maybe even worst.

How did i end up having such life. I really dont know. Im going crazy soon. Really soon...

Sweet sweet love~

Cousin " IDY " :)

Full time my love~ :D

COUSINNS~

10 years then can take one foto horz. siao siao~ haha!

Have not been blogging for 3 days. Help ifg what tua's name already liaoz. ha.

Super tired can! And have been laughing like idiot w my mirror partner. :)

Then got disturb by ahboy 2 or 3 times in a day like wah piang, seriously. hahah~

Been really tiredddd~ And this sunday, 27sept, our tua dua lit ji start. Shag. Sibei shag.

I dont know what will i be on that day... seriously. Ahhhhh~ super sianz.

Plus tired, yesterday took care of sun wukong.. And i super like lian hua 3 tai zi~ :D

And i super love ah pek's do sa bing lorz. Super niceeee~ :D

Ahhhhh, shall blog at night. Needa go out soon liaoz..~ XD

Currently at lan w ______. :) Internet down down down... Nb. hai wo cannot online.
Yesterday went tua then head t bestie's house for majong session. Won $12. wakakas.
But then today, money gone liaoz. =x hahahahah! nehhhmind :)
Walked home after that. Woke up like 11AM today horz. I slept at freaking 8AM yesterday.
So prepared and went for wedding lunch w uncle they all :D
Shall upload the photos on fb once my internet is done :) Sooooooo,
Went t meet damian, bestie, winnie and don. Watched movie and played pool.
Spent hell lot today! I needa save money soon. :( Wahhahah.
F*king things happened after that. nb, shall not eleborate. .
Shall go and play games nowwwww. So dont leave offline message at msn.
Cos i really not online. LOL.

My lil buddy at school. He is always there t joke w me when im crazy.. :D

I on my lappy like after so long.. Then saw all those pictures that made me actually smiled.
I miss those secondary days when i can find lots and lots of laughters in..
Im not afraid of loneliness in the past.. But now, i can't describe this feeling at all.
Yesterday i really felt so, unexplainable.. And i call LAL. I woke him up from sleep.
And he pei me chat for awhile cos he's going t work after that. I dont know why..
I mean, why did i called him yesterday night when i felt terrible...
And he messaged me something which makes me feel very guilty after that.
I felt super guilty after that incident. As time passes, it decrease slowly.. But then..
After yesterday's that message, all those gulity in me and how i treated him came back.
Hua Lian Mao, dui bu qi. I really bu shi gu yi de. But Hua Lian Mao, where are you?
Nway, i think i'll be blogging lesser next week already. Cos dua lit ji coming liaoz.
Am going out nowwww, have been going lan lately.. Rahhh, will go broke ah~ LOL
Shall go off now. Byeeee~

It's really hard t force that smile, but i'll try my best t..

Nway. Today is not a very good day for me. But also not a very bad one.
I dont know either lahhhh~ Currently at lan now :) I blogged becos i like the keyboard. =x
And a girl was sitting beside me watching me typing all these shitz.
And i dont know what t type anymore... But i like the keyboardd lahhh~
Wahahahahahahah~ Alright. Shall go and play L4D now w her :)

PS* ah tan told me this today and i cried.
- I want t see that old shirley back, not now de Ah Tan. I asked you t hang on becos i know in the end will be a good one, so hang on. Dont change and force yourself t be another person.. I want t see the old shirley.. Why force yourself t be another person, i dont wanto see this ah tan... Hang on...

I teared after hearing this sentence, somehow like this...

After a talk w ______, i think i know what t do already...
Like what you teach, disappear slowly. :)
And idk why i din't tear, but just feel heart-aching, very heart aching.
But I think I dont wanna waste anymore time. :)
My Ah Tan! where are youuuuu? Contact me asappppp~

Was actually peaceful day, till suddenly so many memories flashed back in my mind...

And night time was worst. Had a chat w AhL and also browse through those memories...

I dont know why i cried even when chatting back those times..

Remember how you was there t cheer me up, make me smile.. And always there for me when im down...

Remember how a cat appear infront of me and made me laugh suddenly.. Those good times...

Remembering those times, both good or bad.. And how you treated me, i cried.

I thought it should be over, very over. But idk why i cried again when talking t you...

Though those time together are that short... But the memories are good. Really.

Thanks AL. :)

It takes me alot of courage to send that message out.
It takes me a very long time to send that message out.
I retyped that 4 times.. I deleted what i've typed 3 times... Wtf.

Rewinding back all those messages, I then realised all those concen from you.
I wanted t show you concern too, but idk how..
Till i went back t my saved items. Though it's very useless,
Because im using what you've said t me once.. But it really took me a very long time..
Before i could press the sent button, i paused and stare at my phone like one idiot.
Me, im also feeling very useless now.. Because i can't help you as well.
All i could do now, is also pray hard that everything's alright.
Jiu also wanto let you know, im here too.. Always here..

I saw _____ today. Idk why, i smiled right in my heart... It's been so long since i last saw you. I even felt that my fever was all gone.. Seriously... Though i can't hear those concen from you anymore... But... Though it's just a side view. It slowed down my pace w a smile hanging on my cheeks. Felt so relieved and all those stressful stuffs out of me at that moment. But yet, you came t my mind at that time. Idk why is it so. And i guess, it's time t let go of everything that im holding on now.. It's fucking tired, really. All these mess that appear from nowhere, so suddenly.. I wanted t give you a concern, but idk why i dont dare now.. I really dont... Reading back all those memories, you made me shed a tear for you, again.
Hopefully, i wont anymore... Im always there but i guess, it's time t go...

People think it's holding on that makes you stronger, but sometimes it's letting go.

YO EVERYONE, plus my useless hubbyyyyy~ HAHAHAH. she asked me t blog but she can't read. She really thinks that she's that cute, but no horz~ PLEASEEE~ hahahaha!. So yah, back from malaysia and plus im sick like one idiot now, seriously. I can't stop sneezing for god-sake. And sore-throat plus fever. Nb. It's totally not fun at all there. The jia tok was the worst. For the fucking first time, i ate BA ZHANG and PIG'S LEG. idk how t call that lah. And NO shark's fin~ Shall upload the pictures at fb after blogging. Or maybe post some photos here tomo or so .. Dint do lots of shopping at all. And was sick the 2nd day at m'sia. Bought afew clothes and landyard, mickey mouse de leyyyy~ Bought one for my ah tan tooooo~ hahahaha. :D And home.. Very xinku. Really feel like dying now. can you imagine. My throat hurts when i swallow saliva too. :(
Waiting for my ah tan t call me. She sibeiiii slowwwwwww ley. AH TAN AHHHH~ hahaha!

Idk why, that diary is left w 2 pages. I dint buy a new one t continue.. Im afraid of this month.
I dont know why, my heart felt so scared once again after so long... Felt so nervous once again..
And why did the hell did I start a diary bout ___. I really dont know why...
why did i state down all feelings there like how i used t. Nobody have the ability for me t do this...
But I then realised i've been updating that regularly... Why am I doing so, i dont know myself either...

It's amazing how someone can break your heart and you can still love them with all the little pieces.
Our sweetest songs are those that tell of the saddest thoughts.

Another like 4 more hours and i'd be out of singaporeee~ Going M'sia t JiaTok..
Plus, might be going over t genting after that if everything goes on smoothly.
I should be feeling happy, but why am i not a'lil happy and not a lil joy in me at all ?
I've been on stress for the pass few weeks. This should be the time i can enjoy...
But, why does my heart feels so heavy? I feel like crying but.. Idk how t explain either..
Where are you, my listening ears. You seems t go missing already.
I've got lots of things t say, but i just dont know how t phrase them out into words..
It's been 77 days. And wth thing is.. it's this, again...

While I was holding on, all you did was let go...

A break up is like a broken mirror.It is better to leave it broken than hurt yourself trying to fix it.

It's hard t describe that feeling. But I guess I can never untie that dead knot inside the heart.
Have been trying hard since the day you've left.. But, I really dont know how to...
Why am I thinking of you again? Maybe it's becuz,
many memories were being rewinded yesterday...
Nway, Met Winnie, Bestie & D yesterday.
And the 3 of us ( girls ) were talking about those past...
Plus all those photos of the past that we've taken. :) It was really wonderful. Seriously..
All those good times left me too fast..
And i dint know that those were sucha good moments for us..
Till now, i seriously miss them alot alot. Though i've moved on till here..
But im still stucked there..
I always thought i've moved out from that dark place, but till now then i realised..
Im either not out of there or i've turn back t that place... I know i've took a step out before...
But I dont know why did i end up at the place again...
It hurts alot now. But... I realised i cant find anyone...
Anyone t talk to.. Seriously.. I feel like talking t _____,
but it's harder then before... Yet idk why either.

The weirdest thing happened the other morning...
I woke up with tears in my eyes...
and one rolling down my cheek...
and I knew I must have been dreaming of you again.

HI everyoneee~ Currently on phone now~ :)

I need job now like seriously... Maybe after my Tua de dua lit ji then start t find. :)
Nway, am going t malaysia on Friday t JiaTok plus Shopping till Sun~~ WOOOHOOO~
It's been how long since i last got my passport w chops. Idk if spelling is right. =x
Did Mani for E yesterday and AhYi today... Piang~ sibei tired now. But i just can't sleep.
Somethings are changing.. Though im feeling abit uneasy.. But I'll try t adapt it. :)
Becos i know im strong enough. I dont mind if im the one falling or so...
But not to anyone around me that are important t me, please...
Going for haircut tomo. Idk if i should dye my hair.. Arghhh. We shall see tomo~ HA

When you trust someone too much, it turns out t be all lies & hurt right deep t your heart.
But when you don't trust the person at all, you realised that all the words are so true..

I dont know how t describe the disappointment into words at all..
Nobody would understand even. Perhaps some people doesn't have t go through all these..
Maybe it's right, their life is way too good t understand all these...
So in their eyes, these are just small lil things that we are blowing up.
Those obstacles that you're facing, they think that it's nothing. Becos they dont have t be like you.
Their life is just that fucking good that you will never have.
I envy these kind of life, i dont deny.
But... I don't know.. Seriously..

All good things doesn't seems t stay w me long. They had left me too fast, i can't catch up.
And when i realised that it's gone, it's way too late...

I burst out into tears today. which I really cannot take it anymore...

Wahahahahaha~ Yesterday, met up w hubby but then i dint bring her things along. LOL
So met R after that. :) Then head t tua straight around 6plus. :)
Left tua early. Went for a walk which makes me feel better, abit.
Then met up w mummy cos she called. Went t Jia Tok there t find her and KTV after that.
Super tired now like seriously. I can KO anytime. Buttt ..
Needa accompany mummy t doctor later and then Jia Tok at night, again.
Fking tired lah. nb. How i wished i can KO now. :(
I wanna watch MOVIE lah~ nb. :(

I've thought of so many things yesterday, but yet, it get me more confused..
I dont know why either. I wished i can be happier now...
All those stress are pilling up everyday and as each day passes, it din't get any lesser...

Everytime you feel like giving up, think of why you’ve held on for so long..

Upload a lil pictures that was taken on chalet. :) Super love these two cuties :D
Super sian now like seriously. Super bored. Plus super blank inside my mind..
Nway, had steamboat today but then it turns out t be a lil unpleasent fo me. But nvm :)
Interview for sushi tomo ley. nb, i dont like sushi. but nevermind~
Still headache over what t wear for interview. Though abit dont feel like.. but.. ahahha!
Im too blank t blog any longer. bye bye.

Eunice soh, she's so idiot. And also trying t act cute. But please, you know you can't. =x

& Thanks R for that watch. =)

Better never to have met you in my dream than to wake and reach for hands that are not there.

Felt so lost right now. I don't know why did it disappear away from me... But ..
Why should I pin hopes on things or facts that it will never appear?
Im having lots of different feelings inside my heart right now.. But i just can't phrase them
out into words or express it out. This feeling is really terrible.. But, i can turn to no one.
It's hitting the limit soon. Im afraid that that method of releasing stress, i'll use it again...

It's no longer same anymore...
Feeling really tired of all... But I find no shoulder t lean on this time round...
All shoulders seems so far away from me.. All are so far...
And they dont belong t me either.. I guess, im letting go soon, very soon.
I thought that I could hold on all these t myself, but i burst out into tears...
I've got no more energy t hold on anymore longer...
Yet, still have t be strong infront of everyone...

WOOOPs! :D

2nd day of chalet~
Reach at night and then i owe Damian one push kick down the pool. nb.
Was super fun w bogay. Now am listening t " WO HUAI NIAN DE " And guess what...
Bogay and sister changed the lyrics and it keeps on reminding me bout it. lol!
So yah. We majong-ed and so... Played lots of things like seriously...
Super lots of laughters.. And i really totally forgotten about all those stressful stuffs.
Check out the next morning and i remembered idk who came and wake me up..
Becos Damian wants t push kick me down t the pool. But i dint wake up. =x haha!
Check out and went escape after that :) Fun and still fun~ :D
Though can't really enjoy due t calls and so... But .. :D
Played priate ship and the sliding down and de. idk call what.
Sat w Damian first.. He took the front. And the thing is, i thought front will be wet-er.
But hell no, is the behind one lorz. haha. so Damian laughed at me lah. nb.
And i splash water at him, so he went wet w me eh! HAHAH! So is Alister.!
Grace jiejie also splashed at him ley. No wonder sister horz! hahaha!
so swap after that, team w Alister. And i bend down. He was too dry lorz.
And he kbkp after that alot! hahahah~ :D Went haunted house...
Thats the best part lah. But then, i can't upload photos here ley. Idk what's wrong w blogger lorz.
Dont have the columm at all. Go see fb! HAHA!
Nway, got chu tua later on. Shall go and prepareeee~ Long posttt liao eh~
BYEEEE~

Seriously stress, yet nobody can understand.